Click here to read Harry's Bio & Curriculum Vitae...

Aquarius
Celestial assignments suggest all is not what it seems. So be safe, check all pants seams. Avoid compromising comfort and circulation for false fashion. None are fooled.

Pisces
Embrace wider understanding that the motives of loved ones may not meet your expectations, especially when their own stars are rising or large sums of money are concerned.

Aries
Mars and Mercury combine in opposition, making it absolutely crystal clear that you should avoid all individuals who use the words “dude” or “festering boil” in every other sentence. Matter fact, this rule should pretty much apply all the time.

Taurus
Some stars are flashing. It seems to be some kinda Morse Code: L-O-C-K-Y-O-U-R-D-O-O-R-S-A-N-D-H-I-D-E-U-N-D-E-R-Y-O-U-R-B-E-D-T-H-E-A-L-I-E-N-S-A-R-E-C-O-M-I-N-G.

Gemini
The sky IS falling…at least it looks that way from your perspective. Wide-brimmed hats a “must”.

Cancer
Because of previous frivolities, this is a ripe time to trip over all the loose ends left hanging. Snip those you can and bite off the rest with your teeth.

Leo
Keep in mind that although you’re a natural actor, you’re a poor liar. Believe in your delusions and assumptions, then share liberally with strangers. Some may give you money to go away.

Virgo
Virgo Schmergo! You’re frankly FED UP with all the goody-two shoes attributes of your sign. Rebel! Take that last cookie and refuse to shut up at PTA meetings!

 Libra
A little creative thought goes a long way - especially when in custody. Matter of fact, your imagination may just be on a roll. Flies like you.

 Scorpio
Avoid big-ticket purchases for a while (except for sponsors and major advertisers in this publication). Window shopping is fine. Look -- and by all means, touch, too. Just refrain from stuffing merchandise under clothing.

Sagittarius
It is no personal surprise that you begin to hear winged insects speaking to you. French classes help with the translation.

Capricorn
Discussions with loved ones, especially spouses, seem to go in circles. But whose steering is stuck? Could be they’re telling you something you don’t want to hear. Dish out some of their own medicine.

Click here for more sample Horrorscopes

We'd be happy to send you an envelope full of printed samples. If you'd like a sample, please send us an e-mail with your name, title, the organization you work for, and so forth. Send us an e-mail!

All of Our Sample Columns:
[ ClassiFakes ] [ Dear Miss Info ] [ Display Fakes ] [ Harry's Horrid Horrorscopes ]